I have been married for almost 30 years. My husband and I have seven children between the ages of 27 and 4 and two adorable grandchildren. With that many years of marriage and that many kids, life gets "real" on a very regular basis. My heart is to write honestly about situations and issues that I experience with humor and joy, in the hopes that it will encourage readers to do the same. I am a firm believer that when life gives you lemons, MAKIN' LEMONADE is truly possible.
My Fam
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
50 SHADES OF LEMONADE
50 SHADES OF LEMONADE
Yep, that's right! Today's post is about the big movie coming out this week, "50 Shades of Grey". I know there's plenty of writers writing out there in the blogsphere on this topic and, honestly, I didn't want to be one of them....still don't. I'm not a confrontational person, except with my hubby....lucky guy. I don't generally feel the need to share my opinion on issues unless asked...I'm just not an "in your face kind of person". I feel pretty strongly that actions speak louder than words, most of the time. I try to be a very accepting, loving individual who would rather error on the gracious side rather than be judgmental. I decided to skip the movie (as I did with the book) and was content to make that particular choice for myself and mind my own business. BUT, as I prayed this week about what to write in this post, I felt a deep impression from God to share WHY I'm not going to see the film. So I'm asking you to bare with me and keep reading......
First, it's important for you to know that I'm not going see the movie, BUT I WANT TO! As a human being with human desires, I'm not going to pretend the pull and curiosity isn't there for me. It was the same for me when the book came out. I heard all the buzz going around and learned enough about it to know that it's primarily about the sexual relationship between the two main characters, which includes a bounty of explicit BDSM scenarios and I didn't think it would be good for me to put that in my mind. (If you don't know what BDSM is....bless your heart, I love you, and seriously, don't try to find out). Those of you who know me, know I'm not a prude AT ALL! I've been known to make an inappropriate comment here and there (that's putting it mildly) and even say a curse word from time to time (sorry, Mama). I watch Grey's Anatomy, Scandal and The Americans. I have seen my share of R rated movies. I do try not to watch the sex scenes on tv or movies, but I've looked and, honestly, I've soaked them in at times. I've held my hand over my husband's eyes to "protect" him and "sacrificially shouldered" watching the scene so I would know when it was safe for him to look. I'm confessing all of this because I don't feel that I have the right to talk about this topic unless I'm honest. I am not coming from a place of judgement as I write. I'm actually coming from a place of thankfulness for what God has given to me through his prompting in my heart. So if you're still with me, grab a cup of coffee (or lemonade for thematic purposes) and let's look at this together.
5 REASONS WHY I'M NOT GOING TO SEE "50 SHADES"
1. As a wife, I shouldn't go. I don't want my husband to go see it and I would be mad at him if he did. I would be hurt if he rented it ON DEMAND. I'm gonna use the "P" word now....it's porn. Tasteful camera angles and soft lighting make it easier to justify in my artistic mind, but the truth is....it's porn. Honestly, a lot of us girls are really tough on our hubbies in this area and, (I'm gonna say the "H" word now)...hypocritically, give ourselves a pass via romance novels, movies etc. If I were to see the movie, to be fair, I should encourage my husband to watch 2 hours of guilt-free porn without any judgement from me......that. is. never. gonna. happen....EVER!
2. As a mom of boys, I shouldn't go see it. We have serious parental controls on all of the channels on our TV. I am the only one in our home who knows the passcode. My 17 year old son is really trying to make good choices in his life by complying with these "safety rules". He doesn't even have safari on his Iphone so he's not tempted to access porn from it (his decision). He also has an app that emails his friend if he accesses any questionable sites. He always looks at the floor when there's a sex scene on TV or on a movie. Even if he wasn't so responsible about these things, we have spent his entire life teaching him to respect and honor women and to be a gentleman. We've explained over and over again how God's plan for relationships and marriage are what's best for him. How can I go see a movie that is nothing but the complete opposite of all of these values....."do as I say, not as I do"??? I can't do that to him.
3. As a mom of girls, I shouldn't go see it. I have always taught my girls to be modest and to carry themselves with respect and dignity. "Keep it classy" is a big phrase in our home. I would not want them to be in this movie or to see this movie.....nor would I want them to think that the relationship depicted in it is in any way, shape or form about love. We have spent their entire lives teaching them to be chaste and to follow God's plan for their relationships. I want my girls to be godly women who make godly choices. I have a responsibility to them to be an example of everything we've taught them as best I can.
Talk is cheap....I must BE the person I want my kids to be.
4. As a woman, I shouldn't. Even if the movie romanticizes it, the objectification of women is rampant around the world. How can I vehemently express my horror and rage against sex trafficking and the multitude of atrocities committed against women and children, and then go to this movie and be a willing participant in watching some of the same kinds of things happen to the girl on the screen? Seriously, perversion is never romantic and it's NEVER love.......ask any victim....ask me.
5. As a child of God, I can't. I can't go to this movie and keep my heart completely open to Jesus. In order to watch it, I'll have to close a piece of it off to Him, which for me, means that I'll be keeping a piece for myself.....but it's even bigger than that. In closing my heart off to Jesus, I'm opening it up to Satan, period. I wouldn't be able to watch all of the sex scenes and forget about them. I would play them over and over in my mind and they would be ingrained in my consciousness forever. I know it sounds like an exaggeration, but it would literally change who I am. It would create a space for Satan to gain influence in my heart and mind, making it impossible for me to be the person I am when I'm totally connected to Jesus and my heart is FULLY His. The truth of the matter is that God is so gracious and so free with His love that He always lets us choose for ourselves. I have the choice, it is mine to make, and He will love me the same no matter what it is. Frankly, I have chosen to read, see and think about things that I know were not pleasing to Him at times. Lightning never struck me and, clearly, I never turned into a pillar of salt. But I know who I was and how I was when those things were in my life and it is NOT who I want to be. I don't want to be in bondage to my flesh, or a slave to anything other than Christ....pun intended! :-)
If you choose to go see "50 Shades", I'm not gonna be mad at you. I'm not going to treat you any differently or lecture you in any way. My love for you and acceptance of you will not change. Here's the deal, though.....We only have one shot at our time here on earth. We only have one opportunity to live a life of gratitude and thankfulness for all that He has offered and given to us so generously and freely. We have the chance to connect our hearts FULLY to the God of the universe and to impact our families, friends, community, and the world for His glory. And we have each other.....to support, encourage and to cheer each other on when we make choices that go against the norm. This is a choice that goes against the norm in our culture right now. Will you think about it?
Labels:
50 shades,
50 shades of grey,
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Love love love your honesty in your posts. Love the reasons your not going to see the movie.
ReplyDeleteAmen Sista!!
ReplyDeleteWow, this was a very good post. :) I personally have never had any interest in the book and honestly didn't really take notice to the movie in the first place. But I completely agree with you. 100%. Thank you for sharing. :D
ReplyDeleteSo well said. So. Well. Said.
ReplyDeleteExcellent piece. I haven't read the books, don't plan on seeing the movie. Can't say I wasn't curious but I'm kind of rebellious. I don't often do what everyone else is doing just because. But I sometimes do other things I shouldn't, so believe me, it's not out of virtue. And don't get me started on the rebellious part. ;-) Anyway, all your reasons make a ton of sense. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteCallie, I have been wondering what all the talk was about about this movie/book. You have totally explained it to me and told me what I was "missing"... NOT Thanks for your post. You probably don't remember me but we went to Faith and Kensington. We moved to TN two years ago after Bill retired...
ReplyDeleteWow. Love this blog. I never read blogs, but today I did. Anyhow, thanks for honesty, we are kindred spirits in this. I cannot believe that woman are buying into this movement as romance--it's the exact opposite and woman should find this more oppressive and degrading. Anyhow, glad to know that my thoughts about this hype are shared by other like minded woman. We're friends-even though we've never met. Peace :)
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you sweetcakes!
ReplyDeleteThis is in a way "doing life together"... Being with like minded people and not doing what the world says is okay!! I haven't read the book and really wasn't even thinking about seeing the movie... I have better things to do with my time. Loving on my grandson is one of them... So thankful for the time we have to be with our loved ones... I look at it as something you can't unsee, time wasted you can't get back...
ReplyDeleteThank you Callie for being so real and writing what most wouldn't say out loud. May God bless you for raising your children right and keeping them innocent for as long as possible. Which in this world we know isn't easy to do.
And thank you for being you... Someone I and most would love to do life with ❤
Phenomenal blog, Callie. I agree with you on every. Single. Point. God bless you and your wonderful family!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said!
ReplyDeleteWonderful! This is exactly what I was saying when a friend brought the books to our house and wanted me to read them. I love the way you put it all into words!
ReplyDeleteAmen!
ReplyDeleteYou have REALLY made me think, and assess so many things I allow in my life, even passively through TV , books etc. Some I was unaware of at the onset, but allowed, even if they upset or disturbed me, violated my own moral code. Years ago I stopped watching anything with horror or dark themes, any or the murder related shows, NCIS and the like, the gruesome images of abuse, violence and murder stay with me, and after working 20+ years in the mental health & trauma field, I've witnessed enough darkness in this world. At the urging of friends, and sheer curiosity, after much of the ado had passed, I DID read 50 Shades, and was greatly disturbed, identifying it from my therapist view as abuse, and victimization. It was upsetting, not entertaining. There were some scenes initially that were intriguing, that later worried me, as those were the seduction that led her into victimization. My curiosity on how and why this would resolve kept me reading, but I was angered, saddened and sickened. I could not read the other sequels, nor did I want to. i could see the Hollywood exploitation of the darker. salacious side in us, and was upset that people were now being entertained by what they might have clearly seen as abuse before the shine and polish, fine clothes, handsome cast and seduction of it's audience as well. What we allow in affects us, and just from the images on facebook, on daytime tv, in movies and sitcoms, our tolerance for violence, infidelity, abuse etc. is SO HIGH, that we're desensitized; that's frightening and dangerous, because that can translate into real life situations where we miss cues we should be responding to. Helping people in harm's way, and missing signs of people who will not treat us with respect and health. What YOU shared today that rocked my world, is the part of us that then hides from Christ in our sin. The shame we feel in secreting these thoughts, experiences, desires and actions separates us from Him. Wow.. I fell like you just pulled me away from the edge of the train platform. I need to use the filter of "will this separate me from God?" to every choice I make. Bless you, bless you for your honesty and openness, for teaching through your actions, and sharing your process. The darkness, the evil will undermine at any given opportunity, and the insidiousness of drawing us away from God is the goal. Powerful read today, life altering. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteWONDERFUL post, Cal! And so well said!! Thank you for shining your light :)
ReplyDeleteAs a Deaf person I am very visual also traumatized by blood guts& gore on TV commercials are showing too much death decomposing sex ECT. Thanks for heads up. Awesome of you to share!
ReplyDeleteI am in agreement with you. In listening to a commentary....this movie glamorizes domestic violence as romance. Sends a wrong message.
ReplyDeleteAs a guy, allow me to opine: nicely said, with good reasons from a variety of relationship perspectives. Any one alone is sufficient but combined they are most compelling. Thank you for your insights!
ReplyDeleteHi Callie,
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post, especially the 5th reason. I have been going to Kensington for a while; and I am a part of Celebrate Recovery. Kensington is great and Celebrate Recovery is a wonderful ministry. I agree completely with this post and I won’t be going to see the movie. I agree with you in that, as a child of God, I can’t.
I also want to share with you that I am a woman, and I’m at Celebrate Recovery for sexual integrity issues. I’ve struggled with sexual integrity in that I have chosen isolate, and to put images into my mind and heart that are hurtful to me – I’m a lonely soul.
But I have also given my heart fully to Jesus and know I am a child of God. I know His love and forgiveness. I have been involved in ministry, and have a heart for helping others to know Him. Also, I don’t mind disagreeing with people and am a bit feisty. And…I very often feel very lonely. I deeply desire to be married; and I’ve deeply desired to do mission work – neither have happened.
I’d like to posit that the images we put into our mind are redeemable. I have been in deep prayer with the Lord. I’ve asked the Holy Spirit to help me recall all those images that I put in my mind so I could hand them over to Him and He’d remove them. I methodically recalled times when I’ve put images in my mind, and I’ve asked the Lord to bring to mind what I saw. And He did; and He removed them. And He forgave. He has changed me back to who I am in Him!!
I've asked Christian women, condoning the 50 movie, if Jesus came over, would you read 50 out loud to Him?
ReplyDeleteNo? Then, know that if He does truly lives in your heart, you are taking Him with you to see 50. Do you think He's happy or disappointed?
Excellent perspective! I am in total agreement with all five reasons, and I choose not to go see this movie as well.
ReplyDelete