LEMONADE....AN ACQUIRED TASTE

LEMONADE....AN ACQUIRED TASTE

Wow!  I can't believe the thoughts that have been going through my mind this past week.  I was so thankful for the encouragement and support that I received from readers regarding my first post. I was also nervous that I would NEVER, EVER have another coherent thought ever again and that that first post would tragically and embarrassingly be my last....then it all went downhill from there....insert any kind of ridiculous, insecure thought that a person could have.  (I even fretted about putting 2 spaces after periods because I was informed by my big kids that is not a rule anymore...I can't even).

The crazy thing about the decision to write about my life and put it out there in the web universe, automatically set up an iron clad, air tight form of accountability for me to make good on the fact that I "firmly believe makin' lemonade is possible" (yes, I am mocking myself right now).  It turns out after writing that blog post, which I fervently meant, we experienced an extremely difficult day at out house, which is very common.  Oh, I would LOVE to give you all of the gory details, but let's just call it an "episode" and get on with the story.  So, as this "episode" unfolded throughout the day, I COULD NOT MAKE LEMONADE!  I COULDN'T do it!  How could this be happening????  I put "my firm belief" out there in writing!  I have a responsibility to my family and now to my readers to MAKE FRICKIN LEMONADE out of the lemons that were being hurled at me!!!!  I tried for a while, I tried really hard.....  I smiled, I joked, I laughed, I danced in the car to "Uptown Funk", I used my inside voice,  but deep in my belly the stress was churning and it was only a matter of time before I couldn't take it anymore.  To be honest, I didn't WANT to make lemonade. (I'm not gonna lie, at one point I did consider some hard lemonade).  I just didn't have it in me.  I was angry and resentful which left me feeling so guilty, so ungrateful, so accountable, so hypocritical. And then it happened.....I broke.  The tears, the ugly cry face, the rant about how horrible and unfair everything was...and once it started, it couldn't be stopped.....the train was derailing and it was gonna derail, and derail it did!

 But there is this amazing thing called grace that God gives you in times like this....sometimes it's something that you feel inside and sometimes He gives it via another person.  Amazing grace flowed over me via my husband that day.  In the midst of all that he had going on and his own exhaustion, he recognized and acknowledged my cry for help and offered grace in exactly the way I needed at that moment.  He let me rant, he nodded, gave sympathetic looks and he even let me blame him for some of the horror of the day :-)  Then, he said the magic words, "You need a break.  You are beyond exhausted and you've been pushed to the limit. You aren't yourself right now and it's okay.  I want you to take a couple of days off, starting right now."  If you know our life at all, you already have a good idea of the magnitude of this offer.  It would come at great cost to him and I would need to repay the gift soon....yes, I do mean in THAT way AND by giving him some time to himself.....what?  We're tired, not dead!

As I lay on my bed for the next day and a half nursing my wounds with chocolate, tv, chips, diet coke and more chocolate (don't judge, it's how I recharge), I slowly came to my senses, with the desire and commitment to make lemonade out of the lemony chaos returning to me once again.  You see, makin' lemonade, I believe, is a form of discipline.  It's a good habit to be embraced and developed like brushing your teeth in the morning and at night or not eating after 7pm.  It's a choice that requires great maturity, which I do not believe is dictated by chronological age.  There's nothing uglier than a temper tantrum at any age, but you gotta admit..it's uglier on a 50 year old than it is on a 2 year old fo' sho'!   You have to commit to finding something good, something to be grateful for in every situation.  For example....yesterday, I dropped a can of coke on the floor and it spilled EVERYWHERE.  I had a million things to do and I did not have time for this.  But, as I was wiping it up off the floor I thought,  "Hey, this is good.  The floor is pretty dirty and now this part of it is clean".  It sounds so trivial and horrifying to admit that I didn't wash the rest of the floor, but it kept me from going where I didn't need to go and kept my stress level to a minimum.  I wish I had learned this and been more proficient at it when my grown kids were little.  I wish I hadn't gotten so bent out of shape about things so often. The "coke incident" would have been very upsetting to me back then.  It makes me sad.  I've apologized to them and they've forgiven me, but I definitely better not make the same mistake this second time around.  The fact of the matter is that I HAD to get good at it or I would DIE!  Our issues with our little ones and the amount of chaos and crazy we experience in the course of a single day forced me to continually look for the bright side of situations.  I can choose to fall victim to the crazy or I can find the good and humorous side of whatever is happening. I promise, for me, it has lightened the load tremendously and has enabled me to preserver for the sake of my own sanity and for my family.   I am amazed at how swimmingly mature I can be at times....always with God's help and His perspective coursing through my heart and mind.  This "habit" keeps me grateful and brings a good amount of joy to our home.  You can't ask for anything better than that.

My encouragement to you today, whatever your situation, is to embrace and commit to forming a new habit....one that will change your life (and your family's life) for the good and honor God.  By the way, I promise I will not talk about lemonade in every post, but I'm diggin on the metaphor for now ya'll :-) CHEERS!  1 Thes. 5:16-18

REALITY

REALITY

Today is the day!  Today is the day I set aside to write my very first blog post.  Today is the day my 4 year old got up way too early after not sleeping all night, which means he was not only grouchy, but because he has severe behavioral issues, continuously threw things (big things) spit, hit, screamed, and tackled anything and anyone in his path.  My 5 year old was an olympic level whiner, but who can blame her after being stalked by her little brother all morning! (yet I still found the whining to be profoundly irritating).  My 13 year old was more sullen and disrespectful than usual, and my husband left for work mad at me for a snarky comment I made to him because I was irritated with him.  Mix that all together with a one hour delayed start to the school day and you've got a big ole' pile of poo..... THAT's my reality and it's only 9am!

My first instinct was to delay writing my initial post. After all, I wanted to launch my blog with inspirational anecdotes that were to be lovely, encouraging, uplifting, and memorable in the dearest kind of way.  But, hey, poo isn't pretty and we're all about the "real" here in my house.  A neat and tidy life definitely leaves no room for the opportunity to make lemonade out of lemons (thus the name of my blog).  So, I guess I should be grateful for the LEMON of a morning I had.  How do I get to the makin' lemonade part though????......hmmm......

Deep breath......deeper breath.........Focus.......Truth..........Focus on the Truth.............here comes the lemonade..........

The truth is that what happened today (and, at some point, most days in our house) is REAL, but it's not my REALITY!

My REALITY is Jesus....my. reality. is. Jesus.

My reality is that He sustained me this morning in the midst of extenuating circumstances (no children or animals were harmed in the making of this blog post).  My reality is that He sees me, He knows the deepest parts of me and He holds me while my heart breaks for my kids, even as I write this.  My reality is that I am His and He will give me everything I need today and everyday.  He shares in my suffering, as I share in the suffering of my precious children who've been hurt beyond what I could ever imagine.    My reality is that He called me to this life and, as my loving Father, it is the life He has chosen for me.  I trust Him, so I chose it too.  I wouldn't change it for anything and I would do it all over again in a heart beat.  THAT'S my reality.

So all better, right?  Silver lining found, lemonade made, right?  Nope.  My heart continuously aches for my children of trauma.  I'm completely exhausted and I need to apologize to my husband for the snarky comment this morning.  But, my heart and perspective is again aligned with Christ and, through His strength alone, I will access the Katniss Everdeen inside of me and stay instead of grabbing the credit card and hightailing it outta here "Thelma and Louise style".  I memorized Philipians 4:13 as a child, but never has the verse been so poingnant and alive to me as it is at this time in my life.  "I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength".  I CHOOSE to believe this and I will need to CHOOSE to believe at least 10 - 20 more times before the sun goes down.

Whatever your circumstances are today, whether you're single, married without children, married with children, an empty- nester, etc.....let Jesus be your only REALITY.  He's not a genie in a bottle to be summoned to fix and change circumstances to our liking....He's BETTER.  He's sovereign and powerful and right in the middle of the circumstances with you.  He can give you grace and joy despite the crud life throws your way.......My heart is with you today as you bravely stand wherever He has put you and know that  I'll be here where He's placed me in all the chaos that is my life.....makin' lemonade!