2016

2016

For the past several years I have hesitated, and by that I mean I don’t do it, to make New Year’s resolutions.  In my youth, I was cheerfully optimistic each time the new year rolled around, setting and proclaiming lofty goals for change and personal betterment.  But, for the last decade, I’ve felt more compelled to quietly and realistically hope for the best without a grand announcement or plan.  Honestly, neither have worked well for me.  The best laid plans, big or small, for the most part have fizzled and, well, died a tragic and horrible death by mid-February or March.  

So, why am I sitting here writing a blog post about the New Year today?  Well, partly because my kids are quietly watching a movie which gave me a second to think and partly because in that second, God spoke.

You can’t really plan for the New Year without reflecting a bit about the old.  2015 was a crazy ride (#adventureswithmark    #adventureswithGod) .  I turned 50 years old, became a grandma for the second time, held down the fort and supported my man as he led a team of incredible people to launch our new church campus, gained another 10 pounds, gave away the smaller clothes I had been holding on to that haven’t fit me for 3 years, got a tattoo, bought the farm of our dreams, and joined a 12 step group.  These events, for the most part, have brought great hope and healing to my life with an underlying wave of gratitude and grace.  But, I’m tired.  I’ve made some great gains emotionally this year, but have neglected my physical health and well being.  I have also experienced a depth in my relationship with Jesus far beyond what I have ever experienced before.  But, I can’t ride that wave forever and I need a plan if I’m going to be effective for Him in the coming new year and beyond.  

Remember when I said God spoke back in the second paragraph?  Well, I wish He would have only said one thing.  I like that “one word for the new year” thing that people do.  But He had more than one word and so it shall be….

LISTEN….He wants me to listen more intently, more openly, more obediently.  Sometimes and in some areas of my life, I do that pretty well.  But I believe His message to me is that there is much, much more that He longs to communicate to me and I want that.  I want all of it.  Honestly, my life is worth nothing if it is not guided, led and empowered by Him.  

GRACE….He wants me to have more grace for others, but also for myself.  He WANTS me to practice self care.  To tend to my physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being.  How in the world can I do anything for Him or anyone else if I’m not at my best.  Seriously, my bad for 2015!  I am so out of shape, out of sync, out of energy, out of sorts and just out…. and it’s my own daggone fault.  I have put everyone and everything ahead of my well being and not in a good way.   Ultimately, yes, I want to lay it all down for the ones I love, but I have martyred and prematurely sainted myself and am now, along with my family, dealing with the consequences of my choices.  If you haven’t already seen Jada Pinkett Smith’s video on motherhood and the importance of self care, take a look.  She does a really great job explaining it to her daughter, Willow, and to the rest of us.    And If there’s still anyone out there that hasn’t read Jen Hatmaker’s book “For the Love”, get it today.  Her honesty, humor and wisdom is such a joy and she gives us all permission to give ourselves and others an abundance of grace in this crazy, competitive world we live in.

LEGACY…..He wants me to spend my time sharing what I’ve learned and am still learning about love, life, God, people, family,compassion, serving, surrender, etc.  I always tend to discount the importance of what God has called me to in my life because it’s not grand or impressive really, as most of it takes place in my home and is the absolute antithesis of sexy glam in the biggest possible way.  But, He wants me to share with confidence and courage.  And so I will, with all the hope in the world that He will use it to encourage or challenge or maybe even inspire someone else.  

FEARLESS…..He wants me to be fearless in all of it, which is not even remotely possible unless He intervenes.   2016 is the year to stop listening to the negative tapes that have been playing in my head for the majority of my life.  To not only believe truth, but embrace it and live it out.  Time to make some new tapes and continue to explore my true identity as a daughter of the Most High.

JOY…..He wants me to experience all He has for me, all that “life” throws my way, all circumstances, all situations...the good, the bad, the ugly….with joy.  This will be the most challenging of challenges for me because it’s not just putting on a “good face”, it’s about something more.  If you haven’t subscribed to Ann Voskamp’s blog “A Holy Experience” (aholyexperience.com), it should be one of your new year’s resolutions.  Ann teaches often about joy and gratitude…...that true joy comes from graciously embracing everything that happens with a heart full of gratitude and there, in that place, from that perspective, lies your joy.  God has reminded me relentlessly this past year, through Ann’s teachings,  to value and cherish the joy He promises.  “The joy of the Lord is my strength”.....If something steals your joy, it steals your strength.  Such truth, friends, such truth!  And as I’ve meditated and prayed about this often, I know for my life, joy is very different from happiness.  Here’s a few comparisons that help me keep a proper perspective on joy vs. happiness….

Happiness is circumstantial - Joy is steadfast and unchanging

Happiness is momentary - Joy is everlasting

Happiness is about ME - Joy is a gift to others

Happiness is a constant, strife filled pursuit - Joy is rest, peace and contentment

Happiness is an emotion - Joy is a choice and a discipline

Happiness says “I am in control - Joy says “God is in control”

So, those are my New Year’s resolutions….God help me!  The amazing thing is that He will!  He will help me and He will help you.  He will make our lives count for something more than what we could attain on our own.  He will answer our prayers and heal our hearts and He will use us in the grand scheme of things and in the smallest of holy moments.  He will help us to LISTEN to Him, GIVE GRACE to ourselves and others, and FEARLESSLY and JOYFULLY share what He’s teaching us so that we leave a LEGACY that impacts not only our families but all the dear ones He brings in our lives.  

Here’s to a JOYFUL New Year!  I am grateful to be on this journey with you!

.....AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER....NOT!

Mark and I have been married for almost 30 years.  We've been together longer than we we've been apart.  I can't imagine my life without him and he feels the same way about me.  On the surface, our story reads like a cheesy 80's movie.....boy singer meets girl singer at a wedding where they are hired to perform.  Sparks fly from the moment boy lays eyes on girl's big red lips (Mark's version of the story)  and then....they sing.... "Endless Love" (gah!!!).  Boy asks girl out and ten months later, they marry and live happily ever after.  THE END.  Cue 80's music.  Roll credits.   I could leave it at that and you would probably believe me, right?  After all, Mark IS a pastor!   Don't all pastors and their wives have perfect marriages?  Isn't it like a prerequisite or something?  I mean, we counsel and teach others about how to have great marriages.  We've read countless books on marriage, sat through services at church devoted to marriage, and attend marriage conferences.  And certainly, we, of all people, know what the Bible says about marriage.  But the truth is, our marriage has been extremely difficult.   The truth is that we are two very broken, very flawed people,  and our 30 years together have been anything but bliss much of the time.

Mark and I couldn't be more different in personality.  Mark is a thinker, I am a feeler.  He is an introvert, I am an extrovert.  He is a visionary.  I get overwhelmed just looking at the weekly calendar.  He's an intellectual and philosopher.  I tend to be simple minded and take things at face value. (it's a gift to be simple, by the way).  On a good day, we can honestly say we admire those things about one another and have benefited greatly from being with someone who is so completely opposite.  But sometimes, (more than we would like), we find ourselves frustrated, irritated, and feeling terribly misunderstood....well, at least we have THAT in common.

Just in case you think I'm exaggerating to be "culturally relevant"or to make you feel better about your relationship (which many of you will, I'm sure), I'm gonna put it all out there (TMI alert)......We don't just argue, we fight.  We have broken almost every "fair fighting" rule in the book, more than once.  We have blamed, brought up the past, mocked (ya, that's mature), been unforgiving, refused to apologize, been selfish, stubborn and self protected, slammed doors, sworn, (sorry, Mama) and it's happened in front of our kids at times.  Let me say, we are SOOOOO NOT PROUD of this! It makes us seriously sad sometimes.   It's not that we don't want to have a super adorable marriage...we really do!  But we struggle...oh, do we struggle.

 Now at this point, I am fully aware that some of you think that I am absolutely crazy and are a tad uncomfortable with how much you know about me....I don't know why but that makes me smile a little, I'm kinda twisted that way.  Perhaps some of you are thinking, " What kind of idiot would actually admit to all of this crap publicly??? ..... ESPECIALLY a PASTOR's wife????? (all who are feeling led to pray for us, proceed).  I am also fully aware that I have lost all kinds of credibility with some of you and I'm okay with that.  I'm okay with that because life is hard and life is real and we need to talk about it instead of playing games and pretending to be something we're not.  I'm putting it all on the table because I know we're not the only ones who have struggled FOR YEARS to keep their marriage intact.  I know what it's like to feel frustrated, miserable, embarrassed, weak and just plain tired of it.  I know what it is to feel like no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to make it better.  And I know what it's like to feel like EVERYONE has a better marriage than you.  BUT, there is hope.

There is hope because there is God and He is bigger than our seemingly crappy marriages.    He's bigger than our differences, our weaknesses, our failures, our selfishness, and our hurt.  There's hope because, while our spouses all have wonderful strengths that we enjoy, their WEAKNESSES are actually God's GREATEST gift to us.  The pain that we experience in our relationships is what brings us to our knees.  And that's where God develops OUR character and makes the necessary changes in OUR hearts.  It's where we learn to relinquish control and where we learn how to forgive and be forgiven.  It's where we become painfully aware of our own selfishness and short comings and it's where we learn what real love, grace, truth, humility and redemption look like.

Please, don't loose heart!  Keep fighting!  Keep talking to each other!  Keep struggling!  Stop being so concerned with the changes your spouse needs to make and focus on the changes YOU need to make. If you don't think there are any, keep looking.  I PROMISE you'll find them. :-)   Let go of your pride and don't be afraid to admit that you can't figure it out on your own. Get professional help if need be.  Don't let bitterness and resentment win.  Don't let Satan fool you into believing you made a mistake or that your life would be better with someone else.  Don't discount the blessings that have come out of your relationship and don't underestimate the power of your marriage for your family, friends and countless others.  Lastly, don't value the desire for so-called happiness over the covenant that you made with God.  Stay faithful to that covenant and know that we are doing the same.  He will honor your faithfulness and perseverance and He will continue to use your union to build His kingdom and change the world.

Deut. 7:9  "Understand, therefore, that the Lord your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant for a thousand generations and lavishes his unfailing love on those who love him and obey his commands.

MY LIFE IS NOT MY OWN

MY LIFE IS NOT MY OWN

I have felt this way most of my life.  Of course, as a kid, I went through phases of resenting the fact that my parents, teachers and other adults decided EVERYTHING for me.  (I can hear my teenager's complaints about this very subject in my head as I write).  I remember longing to be an adult so that I could make my own decisions and do whatever I wanted....Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!!!!  HILARIOUS, right?  If you're like me, you RARELY do whatever you WANT as an adult.  I mean, it was so HORRIBLE having a free place to live, free food, free clothes, meals prepared, laundry done, transportation, and medical care provided.  Not to mention, being loved, guided, protected and supported every single day of my life ....just HORRIBLE!!!  Kids are so dumb!

I got married at 20....barely an adult, but FINALLY in charge of my own life.  EXCEPT there was now another person that had, at the very least, equal say in how I spent my time....And then we had kids....And the end.  :-)   I remember feeling trapped at times (uh, like yesterday) and regretful about not pushing harder to pursue personal goals and interests.  Over the years, as much as I love my family and want to take care of them, I have easily slipped in and out of feeling like their victim or hostage (uh, like yesterday), sometimes to the point of blessed martyrdom and certain sainthood.  I give and I give and I give........

Don't get me wrong.  It's not necessarily always about being selfish verses being selfless, although I'm definitely selfish more than I would like to admit.   It's not a matter of whether or not I'm trying to be a good wife and mom, and it's definitely not wrong to have other things in our lives besides taking care of our people. Seriously, we'd go crazy, right? (Can I get an "amen",  mamas?)  But, is it possible to really, truly lay down our lives every, single, stinkin' day and be joyful about it?

A little over 4 years and 20 pounds ago, my husband and I (ages 52 and 45 respectively at the time) adopted a 6 month old and an 18 month old ( children number 6 and 7 for our family).  The initial decision was surrounded by so much excitement and adrenalin that for the first year, we really didn't know what hit us.  Our daughter is diabetic and both children were born cocaine and alcohol addicted.  This meant developmental delays for both,  enormous amounts of appointments to assorted specialists, and therapies of various kinds.  If I had a nickel (even a penny) for every page of forms that I have filled out or every mile I have driven in the last 4 years.....GOOD LORD!  Anyway, once the "honeymoon" was over, I found myself completely entrenched in medical issues, behavioral issues, emotional issues, insurance issues, evaluations, research, prescription refills, medication administration, phone calls, forms, applications and appointments.  There was no longer any room WHATSOEVER for dreaming, scheming, wondering,  relaxing, vacationing, exercising, showering, or relationships.  I had to abandon every outside interest in my life so as to conserve all my energy for taking care of these two precious ones. Did I mention we have 5 other children?  Life was hard and continues to be hard....so, so, so hard!  okay.....Time to get makin' lemonade.... :-)

A year or so before we adopted our two little ones, I  fervently asked God to help me not to waste my life.  Some people, like my hubby, are super motivated and goal oriented.  I am not one of those people.  You see, I am naturally very sloth-like.  I could "hang" all day, every day and be ever so content.  But because I love God, and because I know I have only one chance at this life on earth, I want to be responsible with it.   Be that as it may, left to my own devices,  I would surely squander the opportunity.  So God did the only thing He could do with my request.  He gave me two children with special needs who would utterly and completely require my life...all of it.  It didn't take long for me to recognize that God had answered my prayer.  I no longer had to worry about finding a way to give my life away.  He left me no other option.

"MY LIFE IS NOT MY OWN"....  It's a fantastically spiritual thing to say.   And when I feel extra righteous, and all of the planets are aligned, and my hormones are perfectly balanced and my weight is exactly where I want it to be, I can say "MY LIFE IS NOT MY OWN" in my super christian, breathy voice and feel pretty good about it.  Truth is...I'm human and I naturally lean toward self preservation.  Everyday I feel the tension of desiring to protect myself and giving all that I have for them...for Him.  So, maybe it's a matter of perspective....victim verses victor, perhaps?  Even as I've been trying to write this post over the last few days, I have had sick kids who have been VERY needy and VERY demanding.  They keep asking me to get things for them and taking up all of my time!  "Hey, Kids, Mama's trying to write a cool blog post about laying my life down for you!  Can you just give me a freakin' minute?" Oh, Irony, how I adore you!

 I still have so much to learn about what it means to follow Christ and His teachings!   But what I have learned so far is that I am absolutely incapable of doing it on my own.   In the words of my 5 year old, "I can't want to"!  I just NEED Jesus, plain and simple!  I need Him desperately every minute of every day.  Honestly..... that's actually the best part....knowing, with a doubt, that I cannot do this life without Him!  I'm also learning that when I'm fully His, fully surrendered and fully willingly to give my life to Him, He covers me.  He takes care of me and He is continuously shaping me into the person I want to be....a person who gladly lays down their life for others, with a heart that rejoices in the giving.

Maybe it's a matter of perspective for you too.

2 Corinthians 12:9 

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

50 SHADES OF LEMONADE

50 SHADES OF LEMONADE

Yep, that's right!  Today's post is about the big movie coming out this week, "50 Shades of Grey".  I know there's plenty of writers writing out there in the blogsphere on this topic and, honestly, I didn't want to be one of them....still don't.  I'm not a confrontational person, except with my hubby....lucky guy.  I don't generally feel the need to share my opinion on issues unless asked...I'm just not an "in your face kind of person".  I feel pretty strongly that actions speak louder than words, most of the time.  I try to be a very accepting, loving individual who would rather error on the gracious side rather than be judgmental.  I decided to skip the movie (as I did with the book) and was content to make that particular choice for myself and mind my own business.  BUT, as I prayed this week about what to write in this post, I felt a deep impression from God to share WHY I'm not going to see the film.  So I'm asking you to bare with me and keep reading......

First, it's important for you to know that I'm not going see the movie, BUT I WANT TO!  As a human being with human desires, I'm not going to pretend the pull and curiosity isn't there for me.  It was the same for me when the book came out.  I heard all the buzz going around and learned enough about it to know that it's primarily about the sexual relationship between the two main characters, which includes a bounty of explicit BDSM scenarios and I didn't think it would be good for me to put that in my mind.  (If you don't know what BDSM is....bless your heart, I love you, and seriously, don't try to find out).  Those of you who know me, know I'm not a prude AT ALL!  I've been known to make an inappropriate comment here and there (that's putting it mildly) and even say a curse word from time to time (sorry, Mama).  I watch Grey's Anatomy, Scandal and The Americans.  I have seen my share of R rated movies.  I do try not to watch the sex scenes on tv or movies, but I've looked and, honestly,  I've soaked them in at times.  I've held my hand over my husband's eyes to "protect" him and "sacrificially shouldered" watching the scene so I would know when it was safe for him to look.   I'm confessing all of this because I don't feel that I have the right to talk about this topic unless I'm honest.  I am not coming from a place of judgement as I write.  I'm actually coming from a place of thankfulness for what God has given to me through his prompting in my heart.  So if you're still with me, grab a cup of coffee (or lemonade for thematic purposes) and let's look at this together.

5 REASONS WHY I'M NOT GOING TO SEE "50 SHADES"

1.  As a wife, I shouldn't go.  I don't want my husband to go see it and I would be mad at him if he did.  I would be hurt if he rented it ON DEMAND.  I'm gonna use the "P" word now....it's porn.  Tasteful camera angles and soft lighting make it easier to justify in my artistic mind, but the truth is....it's porn.  Honestly, a lot of us girls are really tough on our hubbies in this area and, (I'm gonna say the "H" word now)...hypocritically, give ourselves a pass via romance novels, movies etc.   If I were to see the movie, to be fair, I should encourage my husband to watch 2 hours of guilt-free porn without any judgement from me......that. is. never. gonna. happen....EVER!

2.  As a mom of boys, I shouldn't go see it.  We have serious parental controls on all of the channels on our TV.  I am the only one in our home who knows the passcode.  My 17 year old son is really trying to make good choices in his life by complying with these "safety rules".  He doesn't even have safari on his Iphone so he's not tempted to access porn from it (his decision).  He also has an app that emails his friend if he accesses any questionable sites.  He always looks at the floor when there's a sex scene on TV or on a movie.  Even if he wasn't so responsible about these things, we have spent his entire life teaching him to respect and honor women and to be a gentleman. We've explained over and over again how God's plan for relationships and marriage are what's best for him.  How can I go see a movie that is nothing but the complete opposite of all of these values....."do as I say, not as I do"???  I can't do that to him.

3.  As a mom of girls, I shouldn't go see it.  I have always taught my girls to be modest and to carry themselves with respect and dignity.  "Keep it classy" is a big phrase in our home.  I would not want them to be in this movie or to see this movie.....nor would I want them to think that the relationship depicted in it is in any way, shape or form about love.  We have spent their entire lives teaching them to be chaste and to follow God's plan for their relationships.  I want my girls to be godly women who make godly choices.  I have a responsibility to them to be an example of everything we've taught them as best I can.
Talk is cheap....I must BE the person I want my kids to be.

4.  As a woman, I shouldn't.  Even if the movie romanticizes it, the objectification of women is rampant around the world.  How can I vehemently express my horror and rage against sex trafficking and the multitude of atrocities committed against women and children, and then go to this movie and be a willing participant in watching some of the same kinds of things happen to the girl on the screen? Seriously, perversion is never romantic and it's NEVER love.......ask any victim....ask me.

5.  As a child of God, I can't.  I can't go to this movie and keep my heart completely open to Jesus.  In order to watch it, I'll have to close a piece of it off to Him, which for me, means that I'll be keeping a piece for myself.....but it's even bigger than that.  In closing my heart off to Jesus, I'm opening it up to Satan, period.   I wouldn't be able to watch all of the sex scenes and forget about them.  I would play them over and over in my mind and they would be ingrained in my consciousness forever.  I know it sounds like an exaggeration, but it would literally change who I am.  It would create a space for Satan to gain influence in my heart and mind, making it impossible for me to be the person I am when I'm totally connected to Jesus and my heart is FULLY His.  The truth of the matter is that God is so gracious and so free with His love that He always lets us choose for ourselves.  I have the choice, it is mine to make, and He will love me the same no matter what it is.  Frankly, I have chosen to read, see and think about things that I know were not pleasing to Him at times.  Lightning never struck me and, clearly, I never turned into a pillar of salt.  But I know who I was and how I was when those things were in my life and it is NOT who I want to be.  I don't want to be in bondage to my flesh, or a slave to anything other than Christ....pun intended!  :-)

If you choose to go see "50 Shades", I'm not gonna be mad at you.  I'm not going to treat you any differently or lecture you in any way.   My love for you and acceptance of you will not change.  Here's the deal, though.....We only have one shot at our time here on earth.  We only have one opportunity to live a life of gratitude and thankfulness for all that He has offered and given to us so generously and freely.  We have the chance to connect our hearts FULLY to the God of the universe and to impact our families, friends, community, and the world for His glory.  And we have each other.....to support, encourage and to cheer each other on when we make choices that go against the norm.  This is a choice that goes against the norm in our culture right now.  Will you think about it?

LEMONADE....AN ACQUIRED TASTE

LEMONADE....AN ACQUIRED TASTE

Wow!  I can't believe the thoughts that have been going through my mind this past week.  I was so thankful for the encouragement and support that I received from readers regarding my first post. I was also nervous that I would NEVER, EVER have another coherent thought ever again and that that first post would tragically and embarrassingly be my last....then it all went downhill from there....insert any kind of ridiculous, insecure thought that a person could have.  (I even fretted about putting 2 spaces after periods because I was informed by my big kids that is not a rule anymore...I can't even).

The crazy thing about the decision to write about my life and put it out there in the web universe, automatically set up an iron clad, air tight form of accountability for me to make good on the fact that I "firmly believe makin' lemonade is possible" (yes, I am mocking myself right now).  It turns out after writing that blog post, which I fervently meant, we experienced an extremely difficult day at out house, which is very common.  Oh, I would LOVE to give you all of the gory details, but let's just call it an "episode" and get on with the story.  So, as this "episode" unfolded throughout the day, I COULD NOT MAKE LEMONADE!  I COULDN'T do it!  How could this be happening????  I put "my firm belief" out there in writing!  I have a responsibility to my family and now to my readers to MAKE FRICKIN LEMONADE out of the lemons that were being hurled at me!!!!  I tried for a while, I tried really hard.....  I smiled, I joked, I laughed, I danced in the car to "Uptown Funk", I used my inside voice,  but deep in my belly the stress was churning and it was only a matter of time before I couldn't take it anymore.  To be honest, I didn't WANT to make lemonade. (I'm not gonna lie, at one point I did consider some hard lemonade).  I just didn't have it in me.  I was angry and resentful which left me feeling so guilty, so ungrateful, so accountable, so hypocritical. And then it happened.....I broke.  The tears, the ugly cry face, the rant about how horrible and unfair everything was...and once it started, it couldn't be stopped.....the train was derailing and it was gonna derail, and derail it did!

 But there is this amazing thing called grace that God gives you in times like this....sometimes it's something that you feel inside and sometimes He gives it via another person.  Amazing grace flowed over me via my husband that day.  In the midst of all that he had going on and his own exhaustion, he recognized and acknowledged my cry for help and offered grace in exactly the way I needed at that moment.  He let me rant, he nodded, gave sympathetic looks and he even let me blame him for some of the horror of the day :-)  Then, he said the magic words, "You need a break.  You are beyond exhausted and you've been pushed to the limit. You aren't yourself right now and it's okay.  I want you to take a couple of days off, starting right now."  If you know our life at all, you already have a good idea of the magnitude of this offer.  It would come at great cost to him and I would need to repay the gift soon....yes, I do mean in THAT way AND by giving him some time to himself.....what?  We're tired, not dead!

As I lay on my bed for the next day and a half nursing my wounds with chocolate, tv, chips, diet coke and more chocolate (don't judge, it's how I recharge), I slowly came to my senses, with the desire and commitment to make lemonade out of the lemony chaos returning to me once again.  You see, makin' lemonade, I believe, is a form of discipline.  It's a good habit to be embraced and developed like brushing your teeth in the morning and at night or not eating after 7pm.  It's a choice that requires great maturity, which I do not believe is dictated by chronological age.  There's nothing uglier than a temper tantrum at any age, but you gotta admit..it's uglier on a 50 year old than it is on a 2 year old fo' sho'!   You have to commit to finding something good, something to be grateful for in every situation.  For example....yesterday, I dropped a can of coke on the floor and it spilled EVERYWHERE.  I had a million things to do and I did not have time for this.  But, as I was wiping it up off the floor I thought,  "Hey, this is good.  The floor is pretty dirty and now this part of it is clean".  It sounds so trivial and horrifying to admit that I didn't wash the rest of the floor, but it kept me from going where I didn't need to go and kept my stress level to a minimum.  I wish I had learned this and been more proficient at it when my grown kids were little.  I wish I hadn't gotten so bent out of shape about things so often. The "coke incident" would have been very upsetting to me back then.  It makes me sad.  I've apologized to them and they've forgiven me, but I definitely better not make the same mistake this second time around.  The fact of the matter is that I HAD to get good at it or I would DIE!  Our issues with our little ones and the amount of chaos and crazy we experience in the course of a single day forced me to continually look for the bright side of situations.  I can choose to fall victim to the crazy or I can find the good and humorous side of whatever is happening. I promise, for me, it has lightened the load tremendously and has enabled me to preserver for the sake of my own sanity and for my family.   I am amazed at how swimmingly mature I can be at times....always with God's help and His perspective coursing through my heart and mind.  This "habit" keeps me grateful and brings a good amount of joy to our home.  You can't ask for anything better than that.

My encouragement to you today, whatever your situation, is to embrace and commit to forming a new habit....one that will change your life (and your family's life) for the good and honor God.  By the way, I promise I will not talk about lemonade in every post, but I'm diggin on the metaphor for now ya'll :-) CHEERS!  1 Thes. 5:16-18

REALITY

REALITY

Today is the day!  Today is the day I set aside to write my very first blog post.  Today is the day my 4 year old got up way too early after not sleeping all night, which means he was not only grouchy, but because he has severe behavioral issues, continuously threw things (big things) spit, hit, screamed, and tackled anything and anyone in his path.  My 5 year old was an olympic level whiner, but who can blame her after being stalked by her little brother all morning! (yet I still found the whining to be profoundly irritating).  My 13 year old was more sullen and disrespectful than usual, and my husband left for work mad at me for a snarky comment I made to him because I was irritated with him.  Mix that all together with a one hour delayed start to the school day and you've got a big ole' pile of poo..... THAT's my reality and it's only 9am!

My first instinct was to delay writing my initial post. After all, I wanted to launch my blog with inspirational anecdotes that were to be lovely, encouraging, uplifting, and memorable in the dearest kind of way.  But, hey, poo isn't pretty and we're all about the "real" here in my house.  A neat and tidy life definitely leaves no room for the opportunity to make lemonade out of lemons (thus the name of my blog).  So, I guess I should be grateful for the LEMON of a morning I had.  How do I get to the makin' lemonade part though????......hmmm......

Deep breath......deeper breath.........Focus.......Truth..........Focus on the Truth.............here comes the lemonade..........

The truth is that what happened today (and, at some point, most days in our house) is REAL, but it's not my REALITY!

My REALITY is Jesus....my. reality. is. Jesus.

My reality is that He sustained me this morning in the midst of extenuating circumstances (no children or animals were harmed in the making of this blog post).  My reality is that He sees me, He knows the deepest parts of me and He holds me while my heart breaks for my kids, even as I write this.  My reality is that I am His and He will give me everything I need today and everyday.  He shares in my suffering, as I share in the suffering of my precious children who've been hurt beyond what I could ever imagine.    My reality is that He called me to this life and, as my loving Father, it is the life He has chosen for me.  I trust Him, so I chose it too.  I wouldn't change it for anything and I would do it all over again in a heart beat.  THAT'S my reality.

So all better, right?  Silver lining found, lemonade made, right?  Nope.  My heart continuously aches for my children of trauma.  I'm completely exhausted and I need to apologize to my husband for the snarky comment this morning.  But, my heart and perspective is again aligned with Christ and, through His strength alone, I will access the Katniss Everdeen inside of me and stay instead of grabbing the credit card and hightailing it outta here "Thelma and Louise style".  I memorized Philipians 4:13 as a child, but never has the verse been so poingnant and alive to me as it is at this time in my life.  "I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength".  I CHOOSE to believe this and I will need to CHOOSE to believe at least 10 - 20 more times before the sun goes down.

Whatever your circumstances are today, whether you're single, married without children, married with children, an empty- nester, etc.....let Jesus be your only REALITY.  He's not a genie in a bottle to be summoned to fix and change circumstances to our liking....He's BETTER.  He's sovereign and powerful and right in the middle of the circumstances with you.  He can give you grace and joy despite the crud life throws your way.......My heart is with you today as you bravely stand wherever He has put you and know that  I'll be here where He's placed me in all the chaos that is my life.....makin' lemonade!